Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
how drunk are you?
Several
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
