Cold hands, warm shart.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
