dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
