When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
