the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
