I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize