you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize