feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
