We named our party play list daddy issues
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
