oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize