can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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