I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize