Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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