I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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