Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
