you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
