Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
