My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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