He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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