the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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