There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
