im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
