there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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