Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
