i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize