I can text with my tongue
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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