Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
