she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
