so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im about as happy as oj after his trial
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
