So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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