I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I fill condoms, not promises.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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