Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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