I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
