Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
