and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
