I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
