after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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