i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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