fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
