I am puke
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
