I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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