Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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