overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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