i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i think i just lost a toe
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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