ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
