i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
