I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
