So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
