Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
