I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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