I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize