Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
