I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
