She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
