Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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