So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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