is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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