i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
