You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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