Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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