I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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