I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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