she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
