So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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