my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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