He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
