YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
