there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
