I just made out with a guy for $7.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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