Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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