im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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