Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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