Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
