who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
