Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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