I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
