did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
