Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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