I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize