I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
