Im at strip club and am horny
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
