Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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