My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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