just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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