absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize