Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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