please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize