life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
