i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
