Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
