I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
